How Men Should Be

24 Jan

Salutations!

How Men Should Be: Broad topic, eh? I know. It’s huge. But after subjecting you to some of our dating sagas, it’s reasonable to follow up with what we actually want in a guy, ahem, man. There is truly a big difference between the two. Julie Klausner said it best in her fabulous memoir, I Don’t Care About Your Band, when she says, “I remember the first time a friend referred to a guy I liked as a ‘man,’ I made a face like I was asking Willis what he was talkin’ ’bout. A man is hard to find, good or otherwise, but guys are everywhere now. That’s why women go nuts for Don Draper on Mad Men. If that show was called Mad Guys, it might star Joe Pesci, and nobody wants to see that.” What we’re talking about is how men should be… or the tools guys can use to become men. Because, let’s face it, we’re sick of dating guys. Oh, and do yourself a big favor and buy this remarkably funny and insightful book ASAP. http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Care-About-Your-Band/dp/1592405614

How men SHOULD be from Kenz’s perspective:

A man should be attentive. There is a fine line between attentiveness and coming on too strong. Men should know this line and know it well. A man who is interested in me should (for the love of God!) let me know it. I like to hear it! He should woo me. I don’t like how the word “woo” sounds, but I want to be wooed (sp?) nonetheless. I want a man to remind me why I am awesome. If he asks me out first (which he obviously will since I really don’t ask men out first) he should take careful planning with our date. He should think of a place I would like to go. Dance club? Probably not. Applebees? Hell no. A chill beer in an awesome (darkly lit) bar? Yes. Better yet… it would be awesome if he would plan an activity to do. What a man should not do is say, “Wanna go out? Okay. Yeah, um, what do you want to do? I don’t care…” Deal.Breaker. That kind of passive dating technique is from someone who is the mayor of Guy-ville. I should never have to plan the date I was asked out on. Men, take initiative. Plan something. My expectations aren’t really even all that high. I just want to see if there was any thought put into it. Aaaand….yes, I am a feminist, BUT, the man should pay the first time. He just should. Once, and if, we are in a comfortable dating pattern I will totally pay for stuff. But the first date is on you, bud.

Men probably have no idea the amount of effort it takes girls to pretend they’re prettier than they are. That “effortless” sexy/casual look is so.not.effortless. My God, first there is the shaving that has to take place. If any one of you ladies is as “blessed” as I am to have dark hair, you’ll hear me out when I say that if someone were to pay for me to have all the hair on my legs lasered off, I would die a happy woman. For all the rest of ya’ll who have invisible blonde hair, I have two words: Eff you. Kidding. Kind of. Okay, not really.

Moving along, it takes time to do one’s hair. That windblown look so didn’t happen because I just got off my sailboat. And make-up. Can’t have streaky foundation. Don’t want clown cheeks. Try to get that perfect smoky eye. I recently heard the term for some girls called “William Wallace”. I think I am a William Wallace. It’s a girl, otherwise decently cute, who looks good at the start of the night, but by the end looks like she’s just gotten done with battle. So me! I come home at the end of a night out (and seriously, even on tame nights this happens) where I will look in the mirror and my smoky eyes will look like 2 black eyes, my hot windblown hair will look just plain messy, and my contacts will inevitably be so dry, my red eyes could give a cheap crack whore a run for her money. What happens to me?! THUS, my preference for darkly lit bars. It makes everyone so much more attractive, no?

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I may have strayed from my point. My point is this, gentlemen; (if any gentlemen are actually reading this) we really try to look this good. You can try too. Now I am not saying you have to go crazy, but it wouldn’t hurt to invest in a pair of nicely fitted dark wash jeans and a button up shirt. Wear cologne, but please use sparingly. Men can make an effort too. If you show up in light wash jeans that bunch up at the ankles and a high school activity t-shirt, I will never find you attractive. Shallow as I realize that sounds.

Don’t trash talk your mom or sisters. ‘Nuff said.

Realize that I judge you when you misuse too, to, their, there, they’re, your, you’re, its, it’s. Realize I love you when used correctly.

Don’t tickle me and think it will be cute anyway, even after I said not to. Just don’t. Tickling is freaking awkward as sh*t.

Trust me and communicate with me and I’ll do the same.

Ali’s Fabulous Perspective:

– Be GENUINE!!  Don’t go being a mindf*** with me, you a**face!  The Game is Lame.  It just means you want to look mysterious because you’re actually boring with a ton of issues.  Dating is hard enough without all of that crap.  If you just be yourself, we’ll find out a WHOLE LOT faster if we’re actually compatible or not.  Also, I might actually find your quirks lovable, endearing, or possibly even hot!
 
– Be CONFIDENT!  You are who you are, and there’s no reason to hide it.  I find you have fewer “what ifs” if you just go with what you have.  You’ll never wonder if you could have done more to get the girl if you know what you did was full of confidence and you were showing your actual personality.  It may sting if you get rejected, but your pride will be intact.  On a similar note, DO NOT try to beef yourself up to me.  I can see right through you.
 
 
– TAKE IT SLOW! I agree, a girl does want to be wooed -and wooing takes time.  A girl also appreciates when you try to get to know her really well.  It’s a turn-on when a guy wants to find out what makes me tick. It also shows that the guy is not incredibly self-centered and can take the time to listen (and guys -the girls will pay this gesture back to you very willingly).  A steady-moving relationship almost always turns into a great (and long-lasting) relationship.
 
– Do NOT pile your issues on me!  As stated above, a girl does want to listen and get to know you, but don’t frighten her away with your personal crises right off the bat.  Everyone has problems, but the point is when you first start dating a girl SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND YET! Once you’ve been dating a while and you feel comfortable, you can share your troubles and I’m sure she’ll share them too.  However, this is the girl you are dating -she is NOT your therapist.
 
– There IS a difference between being sweet and surprising as opposed to overbearing and presumptuous.  Surprising a girl on her birthday or any other event where you have taken the time to make sure she has no other plans: AWESOME.  Asking a girl to be your girlfriend on a Jumbotron when she actually has no interest in sports and you’ve only started dating: CREEPY and it’s totally going against the taking it slow and the whole LISTENING thing.  Save the surprises for when you know her better -we don’t need big productions to be wooed (and any girl who just expects them is not worth your time).
 
– There is NOTHING sexier than a great smile.
 
 
 
 
 
 Kenz’s interjection. Talk about a smile! Sigh…
 
 
 
 
Some girls (okay, almost ALL girls) go through the “brooding poet” stage.  They want a guy whose heart is perpetually bleeding.  Let me tell you something: this gets old FAST.  For the long-term (and once a girl has matured and dated some of these d-bags) they want someone who can laugh off the small worries and take control of their life.  You don’t have to be a rich lawyer or a Pulitzer Prize winning author, but if you are a guy who doesn’t expect a handout from anyone and enjoys life to the best of his abilities, we’re yours.  You sir, are a man.
 
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