Worst Run Ever

3 May

How shady have I been about posting lately? Answer: So, so shady. I know.

I’m on a little bit of a break from grad school before it starts up again next week. This past week I’ve been one big mess. I’ve been sick. I hate being sick. I hate being sick with no mom to bring me Sprite and toast. I’m really such a baby when I get sick. The only thing I really wanted was Jamba Juice, so twice last week I found myself ordering the same thing from the same white Rastafarian who works there. The second day in a row I found myself at Jamba’s door and noticed the same worker, I got nervous that he would judge me for my second-day-in-a-row Jamba trip, but then I realized he is a white Rastafarian, and got over it. Outside the Jamba, someone had written in sidewalk chalk, “Honey, you is beautiful!” Is I? With my dark-rimmed eyes, unenergized posture, and “glasses and pony tail” look, I really doubt it. Thanks anyway, though.

One week later, though still a bit unenergized, I feel much better. So when my friend Kelly called and wanted to go for a run, I felt it would be a good decision. Especially since I’ve been out of commission this past whole week. It.was.brutal.

Honestly, we didn’t even go that far, and ran along a trail I’ve plodded across many times before. This time, I got super winded really early in the run, and had to stop and walk. 30 seconds after we stopped running, I found myself wiping a stream of blood off my face. I’m slightly prone to nosebleeds (must be all that cocaine), but lately I’ve been getting them more often. In the middle of a wooded trail, with nothing to stop the bleeding, Kelly suggested my sock. Off my foot went the gross sock, right to my face. You can imagine some of the looks I got from fellow joggers. Once it eventually stopped, I had to put the bloody sock back on to finish the run. Nice, right?

One thing people who know me well understand is that I am terrified of frogs. I truly cannot stand to be around them. This stems from a fever induced hallucination I had about frogs when I was a toddler. I still remember thinking there were frogs all over my bed and on my mother. It’s a fear that I know will just stick with me forever. Toads are included in the “frog” category for me. Today while jogging, there were several (several!) dead toads along the trails. About 5 minutes after the nose bleed incident, I glanced downward on the trail. Right under my foot, less than a second from being squished, was a plump, large, belly up toad. I let out a blood curdling scream, and leaped in Kelly’s general direction. Kelly’s heart rate monitor took a drastic spike, and I am pretty sure she judged me a little bit for my severe reaction. The rest of the run, I found myself looking straight down and dodging every toad I saw, suppressing the desire to scream with each horrific sighting.

Ultimately, this was one of the worst runs I’ve had in a while. It was humid too! I was a sweaty mess by the time I got home.

Because everyone wants to see how disgusting I was after the run tonight, I’ve posted photos!

Classy stuff, right? I’m definitely not one of these people who can look decent after running. I’m a bit of a goon who can’t resist a “crazy eyes” picture.


Does this fall into an “overshare” category?

I wanted to quote Romy and Michele. You know, the part where Romy is trying to get away from a guy and says, “You’ll have to excuse me. I cut my foot earlier, and now my shoe is filling up with blood.”

So yeah. I need to improve by about 1000% if I am to actually complete this upcoming race.


2 Responses to “Worst Run Ever”

  1. Kayla May 8, 2012 at 8:54 PM #

    I get nosebleeds very frequently as well (and through out this Spring, it has been ridiculous for some reason). One thing that was suggested by Dr. Father Dearest is to put triple antibiotic ointment up there, every day for 2 weeks (I will do it twice a day, once in the morning, once in the evening). Yup. Stick it on up there with your finger. It makes you feel like you have big, slimmy boogers up there, and you will feel the need to blow your nose, but it does help a great deal. YAY!

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