22 Jun

I find myself in awkward situations all the time. In college, my friends and I had a theory about how we had way more awkward experiences than the average person. Or maybe we just sense awkwardness more profoundly. Anyway, last night was no exception. I saw a reminder posted in my apartment hallway about the free massages going on. My building does a lot of resident activities (mostly for all the old people, methinks) like game night, trips to Como Zoo, etc. I have never once participated in any of these events, but since the massages were happening at the exact moment I saw the reminder, I decided to try it. When I arrived, I saw a burly man giving a massage to an old woman while her grandchildren watched. They were talking about church. Um, yeah. I was a little disturbed. Then it was my turn and it was just me and burly masseuse in the room.

The massage was anything but relaxing. First, he shoved my face into the chair causing me to look something like this…

He then proceeded to ask me if I’d ever been to a chiropractor. I responded with the truth, “Um. No.” With an exaggerated gasp he exclaimed, ” Well! you really should go! It’s the best form of medicine there is.” Yeah. I know a couple real doctors who might disagree. I’m sure (I know!) there are many people who would disagree with me, but I just feel that in my experience, people who frequent the chiropractor are, um, (how do I say this delicately?) hypochondriacs. In my humble opinion, at least.

Burly masseuse began to (while rubbing my shoulders) tell me that if I didn’t start seeing a chiropractor, I would start getting PMS, acid reflux, and diarrhea. WHAT? During my “relaxing” massage, this guy is talking to me about diarrhea?!

And that, in short, is just a typical instance in my life where awkwardness follows me around.


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